It is in moments of insecurity that life truly takes its form. Insecurity gives us a chance to be vulnerable and to honestly reflect on the immediate environment that surrounds us. For me right in this moment, I am vulnerable, insecure, and a little down, but this is important to me in my journey, to have an opportunity to honestly reflect on my environment, the people around, me and the influences (both positive and negative) they have on me and my life.
Sometimes this is an opportunity to decide who needs a place in my life, who I want in my life, who truly deserves me to care about their futures. Lately it has become apparent that a few people in my life love the world of gossip and bitching, about everyone except themselves, and to begin with I would listen, not in a way that necessarily fueled it. However, I did not take a stand and say actually this is ridiculous. Although it is not too late to do so, I have also gotten to a place where I question their importance in my life and whether I need to say anything, question what good it will actually do and perhaps, do I really need to fuel that?
So right now, these people stay in my life, and there is nothing I can do to change the way they behave, and it is not my job to try. The only job I feel I have in this moment is to try and not allow it to impact on me personally in a negative fashion. Sometimes I just wish people could just see the good in people, rather than pull apart their very existence.
This is a constant struggle in my life at present, because of the way they insist on talking about people makes me uncomfortable that they wouldn’t resist in gossiping and bitching about me. I do not enjoy this in my life, and it is very difficult to just let it go. I am however perservering and I hope that others find the strength to attempt what I am. Where not in fucking high school anymore are we? I do wonder, where this maturity lies that they speak of having in such superiority to everyone around them though.
Insecurity, afterall is really a social construct about the immediate environment around us anyway right?