because I used to be all about mystery in my social media posts, I guess I should give you all a bit of context…
My grandmother was diagnosed with dementia quite a few years ago now and I found it difficult to process. I spent a lot of time writing my thoughts down as a way to express and articulate how I was feeling. This is just one example of that.
You let go and admitted powerlessness because you forgot about the lives you had touched, the lives you loved, and cared for. We loved you, cared for you and now you have been taken further away from us than before and you can’t see how much we love you still. You didn’t realize that you had actually made a difference. You let us all go when I would rather you were still who you always used to be. You were so strong, I wish you could tell me why you succumbed to this but you can’t do that anymore can you? I hate what this has done to you.
My grandmother is a beautiful woman, although, now her mind works against her in an incomprehensible way. I’m lucky to have had all the time I have had with her but it is still a struggle to walk in there and just be completely animated. I do this and talk utter shit for over an hour most visits to keep her laughing, smiling and somewhat engaged in the conversation. Even though she struggles to verbally express this engagement, I can see in her eyes that she is happy to have some familiarity there in those moments to have some nonsensical lyrics chatter to listen to. I still struggle. I don’t know how this will effect me in the long run, but I am grateful for the way in which this disease has brought us closer than we were for much of my life.